Greetings, I am the Papa Jerk, father of the Chairman of the Herd and grandfather of the Jerk Scouts, real name Alan. I just turned 70, however, I still have my green piercing eyes and my quick, catlike movements! And I am still able to leap tall buildings at a single bound! And if you believe that I have some valuable real estate in Pakistan that I will make you a heck of a deal on!

Papa Jerk

Get to know Papa Jerk

Unfortunately for my family my wife has to be the worst cook in the world. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide.” He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

At my house, we eat Perky Jerky on Father’s Day, for many reasons. The first being that we always eat perky jerky on day’s that end in “Y’.

The other Reasons

• My sister –in-laws come to the house, Perky Jerky makes for great earplugs.
• Nothing gives off the vibe of “I take Care of my Damn kids” like eating meat infused with guarana.
• I generally receive a Home Depot gift card from my children; I get in the car and pick up a fresh batch!

Remember, another day, another chance.

Regards,

Papa Jerk

How is Jerk Man preparing for the NYC Marathon? The answer is simple. He follows the Jerk Man Meal Plan.

Jerk Man Meal Plan

Meal One: Shake: 1 bag of Perky Jerky, 3 raw eggs, splash of milk

Snack: 1 GNC Pro Performance Oatmeal Protein Bar Deluxe in Chocolate Chip (Jerk Man has a sweet tooth!)

Meal Two: “Perky Jerky Tofurky” yogurt

Snack: 1 bag of Turkey Perky Perky, 1 Banana, coconut water

Meal Three: Whole grain pasta with veggies, Perky Jerky pâté

Dessert: Pineapple Raspberry Guarana Parfait with almonds

Eating right is only half the battle in preparing for the 2011 NYC Marathon.    Enter…the Jerk Out Program!

Jerk Out Program

Day One: Clean and Jerk + Jump Rope + Run

Day Two: Clean and Jerk + Box Jumps + Run

Day Three: Clean and Jerk + Kettlebell Swings + Run

Day Four: Rest

Day Five: Clean and Jerk + Handstand Pushups + Run

Day Six: Rest

Day Seven: NASCAR!

Be on the look out for my training video!

My name is Brian Levin, I am the Founder and Chairman of the Herd at Perky Jerky, and I am running the 2011 NYC Marathon in a 45 lb. velcro suit of meat!!

Now, what on earth would possess someone to do such a crazy thing?  Is this some kind of shameless publicity stunt to promote the launch of Perky Jerky at GNC stores nationwide? Is it sheer insanity? How about utter stupidity?

Well, yes, I suppose it involves a little bit of all of the above, but the real reason is much more important. I am running to raise money and awareness for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. My son Jake is 9 years old, and is unfortunately afflicted with this terrible disease.

Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is a genetic muscle wasting disorder that affects 1 in 3,500 boys. It is a progressive disease that slowly robs boys of their muscle strength, starting with the arms and legs, and progressing through the entire body, including the heart. Boys with Duchenne are confined to a wheelchair by their early teens, and do not live past their 20′s. The disease is 100% fatal, and there is currently no cure.

Although that prognosis is devastating, there is much to be hopeful for. We have come a very long way in research and we are close to treatment strategies that will keep Jake and other boys running strong for years to come. That is why I will push the limits of my own muscles during this race, because this is a challenge that pales in comparison to what Jake goes through every day.

So please support us by making a donation here: www.parentprojectmd.org/goto/levin/

We don’t have time to waste, so I better get training!

During the race, you can track my progress here: http://www.mapmyrun.com/celebrity/thejerkman/

Spread the word:  FOR EVERY BAG OF PERKY JERKY SOLD AT GNC STORES NATIONWIDE FROM NOVEMBER 1ST THROUGH NOVEMBER 7TH, WE WILL DONATE $.25 TO PARENT PROJECT MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY.

Thank you for your support!

I decided it was time for you to see the men and women behind the meat for once! Here are a couple of my most loyal fans and supporters.

Jerk Man and the Baby

-we get along so well because we have the same maturity level

Jerk Man and the NASCAR fans

-we get along so well because we have the same cousins

JerkMan and the Trucker

-we get along so well because we both like to toot our own horns

Jerk Man and the Troops

-we get along so well because we’re both awesome

The next group I am looking to conquering is Jerk Man and the Ladies. Any advice is helpful since this isn’t really my area of expertise…

Meat, jerk, love

-Jerk Man

Date: 6/15/11

Time 3:30 AM

JM: Let’s be honest, you liked what you saw.

Q: There have been numerous sightings of you and Kimi Raikkonen partying on yachts off the coast of France.  Care to elaborate?

JM: Yeah, it’s called improving foreign relations.

Q:  Some of your Presidential campaign opponents are claiming you do not have the credentials to make a serious push for the Presidency.  What do you say to them?

JM: Make former President Clinton’s escapades in the Oval Office look like an episode of 7th Heaven.

JM: Of course. In fact, I’ll be at Michigan International Speedway this weekend demonstrating my vast knowledge of all things international.

I’d like to thank all of you for joining me here on this beautiful summer day in Denver, Colorado as I, Jerk Man, put an end to all the rumors that have been circulating in the last few weeks.

Today, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States.

After receiving strong pressure, as well of words encouragement from my peers and major political leaders both in the United States and around the world (mainly Finland), I came to the conclusion that I would be doing an injustice to many if I did not run for President and launch a Jerk Man 2012 campaign.

I am neither Republican nor Democrat, nor am I Libertarian or a member of the Green Party. I am just a man that loves this country. Let me say that again. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.  We have the best citizens, the most beautiful topography, and most importantly the most amazing TROOPS that anyone could ask for!

I’m sick of all this left wing & right wing banter, it’s getting us nowhere! Instead of finger pointing, the two parties should be focusing on working together, but as history has shown, that will never happen. With my patriotism and proposed principles, I have given birth to the M.E.A.T. Party Movemement (Meat Eaters of America Today).

I can assure all of you that I will have many more details on my campaign, the M.E.A.T. Party, and my plans to save this country, in the coming weeks and months.

For now, I leave you with some quick hits on where I stand on a few political hot buttons.

Taxes: I will lower taxes on everything except vegan-related products, which instead will see a sharp increase in taxes.

Dependency on foreign oil: Eat more Perky Jerky and ride your bike!

Health Care: Buy enough Perky Jerky on our website, and I’m taking care of all of you!

Immigration: Perky Jerky is only sold in the United States. Can you blame them?

Stay tuned America, more to come…

Red, white, and jerk-

JM

Jerk Man gave up on conventional dating years ago.

Why? Have you ever tried going on a first date and having hundreds of people coming up to your table and asking if they can “grab your meat”?

Dating Jerk Man is like dating Charlie Sheen; it’s not for everyone.

Its much easier to stream the Prince station on Pandora, pour myself a nice glass of Budweiser Select 55 (even Jerk Man has to watch his figure) and logon to one of my e-dating sites.

Even this plan of attack does present its difficulties. Take for example this conversation from one of my e-dates last Friday:

JerkMan4Life: Hey there tiger cat!

NoMeatGal11: huh? Who says that?

JerkMan4Life: sorry, just trying to make convo. So what are you getting into tonight?

NoMeatGal11: Not too sure, might call some of my girls later and get a game of twister goin’ like old times.

JerkMan4Life: Wow…that is just…awesome.

NoMeatGal11: and what might you be doing on this evening?

JerkMan4Life: taking it easy tonight, letting some Prince bump through the speakers and sipping a beer.

NoMeatGal11: Interesting, didn’t realize anyone still listens to him.

JerkMan4Life: what ever, that’s neither here nor there, what do you do for a living?

NoMeatGal11: I’m a chef at an all vegan restaurant in Boulder, CO.

JerkMan4life: ah, that might present some problems.

NoMeatGal11: really? Most men are impressed that I can cook a 4-course meal using absolutely no meat?

JerkMan4Life: I’m not.

NoMeatGal11: Ok Jerk Man, what do you do for a living anyways?

JerkMan4Life: I wear a suit of beef jerky; over 300 bags cover every crevice of my body with MEAT! Oh, and then I let people pull the bags off of me.

NoMeatGal11: ……….

JerkMan4life: I see I’ve left you speechless

NoMeatGal11: you haven’t left me speechless @$$ w#$%, I’m just disgusted.

JerkMan4life: What ever baby, literally hundreds of people can’t get enough of me, Ill be fine without you.

NoMeatGal11: you were never with me.

JerkMan4life: Listen, its just not going to workout between us. I gotta let you go. I gotta move on.

NoMeatGal11: PLEASE STOP MESSAGING ME.

JerkMan4Life: Maybe in another life NoMeatGal11 this could of worked out, until then, take care of yourself.

And so my heartbreak continues. People look at me and on the surface see a man that everyone loves to be around, a man that has that gravitational pull about him.

Yet even with the hundreds of people flocking to me every day, I still feel lonely. At the end of the day, when all my fans have gone to sleep, and all the bags of been pulled off me, I’m just a man…a man in a Velcro suit…alone and empty.

Feel free to send me dating advice, words of encouragement, and or your resume if your interested in dating me.

Meat, jerk, love -

Jerk Man

Me, myself, and I

“What the #@*! is that?”  Yeah…I hear that a lot when I’m walking around the NASCAR track, shredding the slopes, mingling at your local bar, and shopping at 7-Elevens, Home Depots, Publix, & Targets nationwide.

My first response is generally, “Um nice to meat you, too. You’ve never seen a man wearing a suit of 400 bags of the world’s best tasting beef jerky flavored with Guarana?“ Followed by the invitation, “Go ahead, brother! Grab the meat off my back.”

No, it’s not easy to literally carry the weight of the beef jerky world on my shoulders. I get pushed, pulled, and torn apart every time I step out in public. Really, there’s much more to being Jerk Man than being a muse for people’s personal enjoyment. I would venture to say that few people can bring as much pure bliss to the masses in a 60 second timeframe than I can. I see a crowded area of hungry people and I know what I must do.  It’s like BAM!  I’m all up in it, slinging meat like only I can, and leaving no man, woman, or child hungry!

Wanna know what gets me up in the morning?  Perky Jerky obviously… but also knowing that somewhere out there, in some city, there is a person that is yet to taste my meat. America, I promise to not rest until each one of you has heard the sound of a shiny silver bag being pulled off my body.  You MUST experience the sensation of tearing open a Perky Jerky sample and putting that first bite into your mouth.

Now if you’re choosing to follow my blog, it’s probably best to get this out of the way and give you responses to the most frequently jerked questions:

“Jerk Man, what’s it like to do the type of work that you do? Do you consider yourself a hero?”

A hero, well that’s for others to decide, for now I just consider myself a legend.

“What’s it like to transcend race and gender?”

Let’s get one thing straight.  Jerk MAN is most definitely a MAN.

“Do you ever get tired?”

Dude, do you see what I’m made of?

“How much does Perky Jerky pay you to do this?”

You think I need to get paid to do this @#$% ?!

“Where were you on the evening of June 5^th, 2010 between the hours 2 AM and 4 AM?”

Jerk Man will not be answering any further questions.

Be sure to check back next week when I discuss the woes and struggles of online dating.  You’d think it would be easy to get a date with this much meat in a profile pic.

Meat, love, and jerk –

JM